16. VICTORIOUS YOGA
"IT is nearing dusk. He is not at the playground. Itseems that he did not go to the school. Nor has he
returned home. Where has Venkataraman gone without
informing anyone? Maybe he left for Manamadurai at being
scolded for neglecting his studies. There was nothing special
about the scolding beyond what was being said usually," so
thought Subbu Iyer and Nagaswami and made enquiries of
friends and acquaintances. They did not know what to do.
At last they noticed the letter left behind by Venkataraman
in Nagaswami's trunk. It was confirmed that he left for an
undisclosed destination — how to search for him? They felt
that they should at least inform people at Manamadurai,
which they did the same day (29-8-1896) by telegram. The
news came as a shock to Alagamma and her brother-in-law
Nelliappa Iyer. This was a major shock for Alagamma within
five years of her husband's passing away.
Several thoughts crossed their minds — could
Nagaswami have scolded Venkataraman for neglecting
his studies, even if it were so what was wrong with it?
Could Subbu Iyer's wife have harassed him with a lot of
household chores? But she was not that type at all. Did
the school teacher warn him that he might not get through
his examinations. Comments flew past on these lines.
But was this all true? When the call of the Supreme comes,
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it becomes irresistible and no worldly attachment can
even come in the way. Venkataraman had no such
attachment, all that he was interested in was lying in the
lap of his Father. How could such a one stay at home?
The people from Manamadurai went to Madurai to
join the search but to no avail. "After all, he has taken
three rupees, as soon as that money is spent he is bound
to come home," so they tried to console Alagamma. Days,
weeks, months passed by but the boy did not return. The
days of consolation also ended.
A rumour reached them that Venkataraman had
joined a drama troupe at Tiruvananthapuram. Nelliappa
Iyer went there to make enquiries, but it was a futile
exercise. Not satisfied with his efforts, Alagamma herself
went there. At a street corner she saw someone of the
same physique as Venkataraman — but could not catch up
with him. Unsuccessful, Alagamma returned home.
In due course, Nagaswami passed his examination and
joined the Registrar's office as a clerk. His wife also joined
him. And seeing her son settle down, Alagamma was to an
extent satisfied and her sorrow receded into the background.
On 1 May 1898 Subbu Iyer passed away at Madurai.
Nelliappa Iyer and others went to Madurai and after the
funeral ceremonies Nelliappa Iyer stayed back for a short
time. One afternoon, a Tiruchuzhi youth ran into the house
excitedly announcing, "Venkataraman's whereabouts are
now known. He is at Tiruvannamalai and he is a famous
sadhu [?] there." In utter disbelief, the family asked him, how
he came to know about that. He replied: "I had been to the
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Tirugnanasambandar math [?] here. One Annamalai Tambiran
of a math [?] at Tiruvannamalai was describing with great
devotion, a youthful sannyasi at Tiruvannamalai. He knew
me because of some properties belonging to their math [?] in
the vicinity of our place. He recognised me and said, `The
young sannyasi belongs to your place' I, in return asked
him who the sannyasi was. He said, `Tiruchuzhi
Venkataraman — that is what he wrote on a piece of paper.'
As soon as I heard it, I ran up to this place."
On hearing this, Nelliappa Iyer, along with
Narayanaswami Iyer, a distant relative, went to
Tiruvannamalai. That was the period when the Swami
was staying in the mango-grove of Venkataramana
Naicker, and he refused to grant permission to them to
visit the Swami saying, "He is a mouni, you should not go
and disturb him on any account." Nelliappa Iyer pleaded,
"At least, let us have a glimpse of him," Naicker did not
relent. Finally, Nelliappa Iyer begged, "I will give a note.
Please show it to your Swami and allow us to go in, only
if he agrees." Naicker yielded. Nelliappa Iyer wrote:
"Manamadurai pleader, Nelliappa Iyer seeks an audience."
The paper had the handwriting of Nagaswami on the
reverse, the paper belonged to the Registrar's office. The
Swami saw the note and concluded that Nagaswami was
employed. He consented to see them. Nelliappa Iyer
entered the grove.
It was true. He was their boy. The dust covered-body
appeared repulsive. Several emotions flooded Nelliappa
Iyer, he was glad at finding their boy, sad at his unkempt
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appearance, happy at his being so eminent, moved at his
being in such a pitiable state. As the Swami was a mouni,
Nelliappa Iyer told Naicker and Palaniswami?
I am happy that a boy of our family has reached such an
exalted state. But he need not expose himself to the elements
in this manner — there is a huge support for him back home,
he need not suffer like this. He need not forsake his path or
become a householder. He can continue to be a sadhu [?] amidst
his relatives, I shall arrange all facilities for that. There is the
samadhi of a mahatma [?] at Manamudarai. If the Swami does
not wish to stay at home he may reside there. I will take care
of him and ensure that he is not at all disturbed.
All arguments were fruitless. The Swami sat motionless
like a rock to such an extent that Nelliappa Iyer began to
doubt whether he heard them or whether he was their boy
at all! Yet the trials continued for about five or six days.
"The boy has completely changed ? he does not like
our words," thought Nelliappa Iyer. Narayanaswami Iyer
became angry and wanted to forcibly take away the boy.
As he approached the Swami with this intention he felt a
burning sensation all over his body. Then he backed out
and thought enough was enough. They then decided to
return home and inform Alagamma of what had happened.
They gave her the comforting news that it was indeed
their boy whom they met and the disconcerting news
that he refused to return home.
Alagamma was not satisfied and said to Nagaswami,
"Would he have returned empty-handed if the boy had
been his? Would he not have forcibly brought him? Let us
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go ourselves." But Nagaswami pleaded that it would not
be possible for him to obtain leave from the office.
After staying at the grove for six months, the Swami
felt it advisable to shift, as with frequent visitors the garden
might get spoilt. Thus he moved to Arunagirinathar temple.
Arunagirinathar is reputed to be the linga consecrated by
Adi Sankara. This temple is to the west of Ayyankulam tank.
The Swami moved there sometime in August-September, 1898.
During his stay at the Gopura Subrahmanyalaya, which
was before his moving to Gurumurtam, the Swami had to
beg for food only once. That was when he declined the food
offered by a pious lady who usually offered food to sadhus.
He went to a house near the temple and clapped his hands.
The lady of the house, Muthamma, recognised him, took
him inside and served him good food. She felt that the Swami
resembled her son who had just passed away. During his stay
at Gurumurtam, the Swami did not have to go out to beg.
Several people would bring food and offer it to him. While
at the mango grove nobody was allowed to enter it and offer
food. Palaniswami would beg for food either at Kilnathur or
Arunachala and bring it. Possibly, the Swami now felt like
begging for food himself again and wanting to be all alone
asked Palaniswami to go his way. But Palaniswami returned
to the Swami the same evening. Where could he go? How
could he live apart from the Swami?
Within one month, the Swami moved again as the
crowds were too much to bear. He went to the Arunachala
temple and stayed in the Western tower. But the crowd
did not leave him alone either.
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To the northwest of Arunachala there is a hillock,
Pavalakundru. It is a part of Arunachala and some say it is
the foot of Arunachala. There is a temple of Siva, a water
spring and a cave on the hill. Gautama, the rishi [?], did
penance here say some. At the foot of the hill is a monastery.
The Swami lived in the temple or the cave. Whether
Palaniswami was there or not, for the fun of it, he would
go out into the town to beg. As he was the silent one he
would simply halt at a house and clap. On the appearance
of someone at the door he would show his cupped hands,
receive whatever was dropped in it and pass by the street
eating the food. He was not concerned at whoever watched
him. Those who visited the Swami at his place would be
surprised at this behaviour. Swami described the act of
begging thus: "As the begging was voluntary there was no
feeling of humiliation, one did not care even for the status
of an emperor. It was all enjoyable."
During the Christmas vacation of 1898 Alagamma
reached Arunachala, along with her son, Nagaswami.
Learning that the Swami was at Pavalakundru the mother
and son went there. The Swami was lying on a rock and
facing the east. Notwithstanding the matted locks, elongated
nails, dust-laden face or the loin cloth the mother
immediately recognised her son. She broke down, coaxed
and begged her son to return home. The Swami neither
spoke nor moved. She entreated him in many ways,
recounted to him her tribulations, and pleaded with him
but the Swami did not utter a single word or yield. The
following day, she visited him at which time he was
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surrounded by some people. She narrated her sorry story to
them. They were moved and one among them, Pachaiappa
Pillai, intervened and asked the Swami to have some
consideration for the mother and at least give a reply to
satisfy her. He gave him a piece of paper and pencil and
asked him to write out the reply at least, instead of being
silent. The Swami accepted the argument and wrote thus:
The Ordainer controls the fate of souls in accordance
with their past deeds — their prarabdhakarma. Whatever
is destined not to happen will not happen -- try how
hard you may. Whatever is destined to happen will
happen, do what you may to stop it. This is certain.
The best course, therefore, is for one to be silent.
— From Self Realization by B.V. Narasimha Swami
time, the mother would have been disturbed at this upadesa.
They had no alternative but to return as Nagaswami's
vacation was drawing to a close. "Was it for this that I
waited? This is all I am destined for," thought Alagamma
and reluctantly left Arunachala.
Some generations earlier, a renunciate had come
seeking alms to the house of one of Sundaram Iyer's ancestors.
He could not get any food and incensed at this indifference,
cursed the family, "At least one member of your family will
have to beg for food like me in each generation."
For three generations by then that curse (or was it a
blessing?) had come true. For us, that is a blessing truly, otherwise
how could we have a redeemer like Ramana Bhagavan?