12. INITIATION
DID a jnani [?] need tapas [?]? Venkataraman had alreadyrealized the supreme Self. There was no need for
any further effort. But for convenience we shall use the
expressions "tapas [?]" and "initiation." Readers must not
get misled.
On the very day Venkataraman left his family and
offered himself to Arunachaleswara all connection with
his earlier life was torn asunder. Yet a few symbols
remained. Why retain even them? He had only to be in
the bliss of Self knowledge as nothing else was needed.
He would tolerate nothing that came in its way. This was
the only tapas [?] the only initation (diksha). His earlier life
ended. Only abidance in the Self remained.
The sastras say that for initiation a guru is necessary.
For Venkataraman the guru was Arunachaleswara Himself.
Ordinarily the guru initiates by touching various parts of
the disciple's body and teaches him a mantra. His Father
initiated him by just a look and like Dakshinamurti gave
him a message through silence.
Venkataraman began discarding the symbols of his
earlier life. Some he rid himself of by his own will, others
left him on their own. With that, his outward life and
inner life became synchronized.
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Venkataraman tore and threw away the piece of paper
on which Muthukrishna Bhagavatar gave his address at
Kilur itself but the packet of sweets and a little money
were still with him.
After offering himself at his Father's feet in the
Arunachaleswara temple, Venkataraman came out into the
vast temple of the world. He walked about aimlessly and
reached the Ayyankulam Tank to the east of Arunachala. He
noted that he still had the packet of sweets, "Does this need
the sweets too?" he thought and flung it into the tank. Right
from his younger days, Venkataraman had thick black hair. It
was a natural embellishment. Did the body need any decoration
at all? And why take the trouble of taking care of it? As he was
returning from the tank, somebody asked him whether he
would be interested in having his head shaved. Venkataraman
assented and that stranger took him to the house of barber
who usually worked at the temple. The stranger disappeared.
Why did he ask Venkataraman whether he wanted his hair
removed? The barber told Venkataraman that normally he
would charge a higher amount for those wanting a tonsure at
the temple but that he would give a concession to
Venkataraman. He completed the tonsure in no time.
Venkataraman walked around and reached a garden
to the east of the tank. There he tore away his clothes
except for a codpiece and threw the rest into the tank.
Wearing a codpiece is symbolic of chastity in word,
thought and deed. The Father had vanquished Desire
(kama [?]). Could the son be any different? Venkataraman
threw away the little money still left with him.
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The yagnopaveetam (sacred thread) is indicative of a
Brahmin birth and culture — this indicated that
Venkataraman was a Brahmin, son of Sundaram Iyer.
Henceforth he was the son of the Universal Father,
Arunachaleswara. He was beyond all caste distinctions.
The sacred thread could also cause a sense of superiority.
Hence, he got rid of it.
After his tonsure he did not want the luxury of a
bath, but would the guru Arunachaleswara allow any
violation of convention? Venkataraman took to sannyasa [?]
in the midst of water. As he was returning to the temple,
there was a heavy downpour drenching him. The heavens
themselves provided the bath.
Venkataraman did not visit the temple sanctum
during the next three years. There was no need for it.
After all, the Father was present in the cave of his heart.
Venkataraman avoided speaking to anyone as he did
not wish to have anything to do with people. Speaking
itself became impossible. When he was always immersed
in the Self and never even looked at the outside world
how could he speak? This silence went beyond mere voice
and touched the Self. Two years later, even when the
Swami wanted to speak he could not as the words did not
emerge clearly. It was only much later that normalcy was
restored. Quite unintentionally silence itself became his
characteristic. The Swami once said that silence should
be the sadhaka's aim and that it would become the siddha's
characteristic. But in his case, silence became his
characteristic even without his passing through the
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sadhaka's phase. This is how he had initiation. What about
life in the world? As long as the body was there it needed
nourishment. After all, the body is the instrument of all
sadhana [?]. But Venkataraman paid no heed to that thought
— for him whatever happened to the body was the
responsibility of the Father. The one who provided
sustenance to the birds, fish and the other animals would
surely not neglect him!
The Swami chose the temple for his dwelling.
For a sannyasi, the caves of a hill, the banks of a tank,
a temple, the trees of a forest — are all suitable say the sastras.