5. EARLIER ATTACHMENT

ONE or two months later Venkataraman chanced upon
Periapuranam borrowed by Subbu Iyer from some
one. The epic was authored in the following circumstances.

      The ruler of the Chola territory, Anapaya Chola was
a Jain and a tormentor of Saivites. One of those thus
tormented was the poet Sekkizhar. "Did not
Tirunavukkarasar (Appar) give away in charity all his
patrimony and take to Jainism? Did he not reconvert to
Saivism due to the ministrations of his sister? Why did
not some such thing happen to the king? This is Siva's
territory and there are twelve kshetras, six kumarasthanas,
five lingas each of an element and 1008 Sivasthanas. The
great Nayanmars devoted their entire lives to the praise of
Siva, they revelled in the very thought of the magnificent
form of Siva, they looked upon themselves as just specks
of dust at the feet of Siva and extolling Siva, sang songs
which gave great joy to the common populace. Won't this
king get converted on hearing the stories of these devotees?
I shall enshrine them in a book," thought Sekkizhar and
took up the work. But alas, no word came out of him. He
wept bitterly and prayed to Siva in utter helplessness.
Siva himself spelt out the first word — thereafter Sekkizhar's
devotion poured out, as Siva's grace, and resulted in
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Periapuranam. The poet recited this to the Chola king in
the presence of Nataraja and was blessed.

      The first religious text that Venkataraman read was
Periapuranam. It was as if he entered a new world
altogether. The more he read the greater was his thirst.
The Lord of Time was the monarch therein hence there
was no fear of time. The subjects were all contented
devotees of Siva. Devotion, love, peace, and bliss flooded
all over as knowledge of Siva himself.

      As he was progressing, Venkataraman's devotion and
reverence for the devotees was increasing — he grieved at
their travails and rejoiced in their triumphs. Venkataraman
felt that Siva was glancing at him also just as he beheld the
devotees. On completion of the book his emotional upsurge
vanished, Venkataraman became his usual self. He seemed
to have forgotten all those devotees and had given up all
thought of following them.

      Venkataraman's life was flowing like a deep unruffled
stream — of course, there were occasional whirlpools. He
was very sensitive and could bear no rebuke. When he
was young, Sundaram Iyer reprimanded him once at
Tiruchuzhi. The boy was deeply hurt. He did not turn up
at mealtime. A prolonged search ensued. He was found
in the Sahayamba shrine -- possibly, he went there seeking
the comfort of the Mother's lap. Such incidents did occur.

      Venkataraman was naturally of a helpful disposition.

      He assisted his mother and aunt in their household chores.
Several mistook this characteristic and ridiculed him as
an effeminate person. Some psychologists hold that only
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a person both with feminine and masculine qualities in
equal measure can become a redeemer of humanity. Peace,
grace, love and sympathy are feminine qualities whereas
determination, courage and strength are masculine
qualities. A complete or glorious life cannot be had without
an adequate representation of both masculine and
feminine characteristics. Can we think of anyone more
graceful and at the same time more courageous than Sri
Krishna? Is not Easwara an "ardha nareeswara?" A
completely soft nature is like a creeper that cannot survive
on its own. Similarly, an unyielding courage is like a
wooden staff with no sap. Venkataraman's nature was a
combination of both, which was why he became a
redeemer of humanity.