TRUDGING ALONG TO THE HOLY HILL

By Arunachala Bhakta Bhagawata

FROM the earliest years of my childhood, Sri Bhagavan has
been churning my heart with the single mission of realizing
the Self and thus becoming one with him. Sri Bhagavan
brought me into this phenomenal existence in a simple
agricultural family which named me `Bhagawata', a humble
son and devotee of the Lord. My parents dreamt of the day
when their youngest son would be able to read the Hindi
Ramayana of Goswami Tulasidas. A beginning was made by
my elementary school teacher, Sri Ramapyaresinha, who not
only loved Sri Ramacharitamanasa, but worshipped it daily.
Every evening he taught us how to recite it with zeal and
instilled in us love and devotion for Sri Ramachandra and the
Divine Mother, Sita. These six years of my early education
continued to kindle the fire of devotion in me.

Although there was none near my home who could teach
me to seek the Self in a formal way, my three brothers read
and recited the Bhagavad Gita and Ramayana daily, and as a
result of their religious life I was dyed indelibly with bhakti ^[?]
and jnana ^[?]. The first World War and the non-cooperation
movement of Mahatma Gandhi awakened my village people.
As a result, my brothers and other village young men joined
the ranks of the national movement. Thus, both the fires of
deshamukti (national liberation) and atmamukti began to burn
brighter in my heart. Although quite young, I remained
immersed in the fast-flowing fountain of vairagya ^[?] (dispassion)
and viveka ^[?] (discrimination). Treading these difficult paths of
patriotism and devotion was only possible with the infinite
grace and mercy of Lord Ramana, who never allowed me to
get entangled in projects that many a time lead guileless
aspirants astray.

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When Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi burst into my heart
on Friday, 10 October 1941 in Darjeeling in the Himalayas,
he removed the veils of forgetfulness from me and enabled
me to realize that it was he and he alone whom I had been
seeking all these years. When I saw his many pictures and
read the text of the book, A Search in Secret India, by Paul
Brunton, the old relationship was re-established. How I wished
to fly to the lotus feet of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi on
the slopes of the holy Arunachala hill! But he did not allow
me to come to him while he was abiding in the body for the
simple reason that I might look on him as the body. Instead
he sent me into the world to work out my latencies before
returning to him. Then, exactly eleven years later, in the guest
cottage of the Quaker family of Helen and Albert Bailey, Sri
Bhagavan came to me again and revived the smouldering fire
of jnana and bhakti ^[?]. Wherever he took me from then on, I
found myself in his grip.

Now in 1979, while I sit in New York in Sri Bhagavan's
Arunachala Ashrama, Sri Bhagavan makes me dream of the
day when his temple shall rise on Fifth Avenue in this
metropolitan city so that seekers of peace and happiness may
wend their way there. Mornings and evenings shall be filled
with the recitation of the Vedas, Upanishads ^[?], Bhagavad Gita,
etc. "Abide in the Self, in the inmost recesses of the Heart",
shall fill the temple, and people from different walks of life
shall learn to tread his direct path of Self-enquiry.

During all these sixtyseven years of my bodily sojourn, I
have been yearning for the day when I would be able to pay
my debt to the world. Unceasing abidance in the Self is the
work cut out for me, and on the sheer strength of his grace I
have all along been trudging along, trudging along to the holy
hill of the beacon light. In the midst of plenty or in the midst
of paucity, Sri Bhagavan makes me ache for mankind, but all
I can do is to contribute my mite to the world by adding a
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grain of devotion. The mere existence of Sri Arunachala
Ashrama in the Western hemisphere speaks for itself, and if
we are able to keep the flame of devotion burning brightly in
this phenomenal existence, Sri Bhagavan will have taken the
destined work from all of us. One thing that has always been
certain is that Sri Arunachala Ashrama has been founded and
conducted by Sri Bhagavan alone, using all of us as his
ordinary instruments.

When Sri Bhagavan came into the world one hundred years
ago, he resuscitated the age-old teaching of ceaseless
inherence in the Self in the cavity of one's heart. Anyone,
anywhere, under any circumstances can profit from his unique
instruction of returning to the source. He incarnated for the
sake of removing the dense darkness of desire, delusion, ego
and ignorance, to save us from the abysmal pit of forgetfulness.
Though sometimes he taught with words, his most potent
teaching has been his silence, from which all of us can profit
without stirring from our place of birth or work. Arunachala
Ramana teaches that no efforts ever go in vain. This teaching
is the only hope for me, and with all my limitations I continue
to call on him with his name, "Om Namo Bhagavate Sri
Ramanaya". Sri Bhagavan is the doer and I am simply his
most infinitesimal instrument, and day and night I pray that
he allow me to do his will. May I ever abide in Bhagavan Sri
Ramana Arunachala!

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