IDENTITY
By Lucy Cornelssen
Question: If the ego or `l' be an illusion, who then casts
off the illusion?
Answer: The `I' casts off the illusion of `I' and yet remains
as `I'. This appears to be a paradox to you; it is not so to the
jnani [?].1
Question: Is an intellectual understanding of the truth
necessary?
Answer: Yes. Otherwise why does not the person realise
God or the Self at once, i.e. as soon as he is told that God is
all or the Self is all? One must argue with himself and gradually
convince himself of the truth. 2
How is this? Are there not many quotations from Sri
Ramana Maharshi's works and talks quite to the contrary,
wherein he clearly states that there is no reaching the truth by
intellect, but that intellect (or mind) has to be transcended in
order to attain to the truth? Isn't this a flagrant contradiction?
Only apparently.
According to the highest revelations of mankind we are
the truth. Why then are we not aware of this plain fact?
Because the intellect has developed from being a useful
servant into a troublesome and tyrannic master in the house.
It will not and cannot be convinced of the higher truth, because
this is beyond its scope. However, it can be transcended and
the conviction reached that there is a higher power, and that it
will do to open the `Heart' to the possibility of direct
experience.
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Let us see. First of all, what is meant by `intellect'? It is a
faculty of the brain. Its roots are simply discriminating and
choosing; when mature, it is the thinking faculty. In a wider
sense we have to add two other faculties -- emotion and will.
These three together are a biological mechanism of reacting
on impulses from without and within our body. It developed
with the development of the brain and nervous system and is
prompted and conditioned by the faculty of perceiving,
consciously or unconsciously, which itself is not part of that
mechanism of reacting, but is independent of it.
A newly born child reacts merely to bodily comfort and
discomfort, which means that it shows only feeling. After some
weeks or even months it starts to discriminate faces and tries to
understand things, which means it is beginning to develop its
intellect. The will is only discovered by it in its third year. In
between it has learned to speak and to discriminate among the
members of the family by name, using its own name when it
wants to point to itself. It does not talk about `my' ball, or `my'
doll, but `Peter's ball, `Mary's doll. This is an important feature,
since it shows that the child has as yet no genuine feeling of `I'.
It takes itself as one person among other persons. And even
when after some time it starts to use the `I' for itself, this is still
not a genuine `I'. The child has simply learnt to imitate the way
persons around itself express themselves, that everybody,
though having a name by which he or she is known and spoken
of by others, says `I' when speaking of himself or herself.
During this first decade of life the child learns to
discriminate between `father' and `mother' and `mother' and
`I', `myself' as persons with certain qualities, everyone
occupying a certain status within the group, the family. When
the brain and nervous system of the child are nearly fully
developed, then it has a concept of itself as a clear-cut person,
boy or girl, named so-and-so, tall or short, fair or dark, clever
in school or not -- in short a `personal I', complete in itself.
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However, strange to say, this young human being is not at all
happy, though not knowing why.
Parents and elders believe they know the reason, if the
boy or girl is in the period of puberty and adolescence, the
body undergoes a certain change in its metabolism.
It does, but that is quite a natural development which started
unperceived much earlier without giving trouble. The real
reason for the unbalanced mental condition of the young
person is quite different.
Brain and nervous system are more than just working
mechanisms in the service of the individual body-mind-complex;
they have a higher purpose. They are meant as a `wireless receiver'
for impulses from the universal Consciousness too. The mental
and emotional struggle at the time of puberty is also caused by
the first powerful impulse from cosmic Consciousness, the
mystery of identity, of the parabiological `I am', which tried to
enter the individual consciousness. However the entrance is
blocked by the `personal I', which is entirely an image only, a
concept, a mere construction of the intellect.
There would be no need for struggle and disturbed balance, if
young people knew what was happening, if they were prepared
to surrender to that wonder which is in store for them during this
high time of their maturity. They should have learnt to witness
what is going on within themselves. Then they would discover
that their individual consciousness has a greater Consciousness
for its source, from which now emanates a `greater I' than that
by which they are more troubled than pleased, an `I' without an
identity which is simply itself, omnipresent, void, silent, pure, a
glorious and mysterious peaceful joy.
Alas, the entrance is blocked, though quite unconsciously,
by sheer ignorance, which caused the growing intellect to be
busy entirely with the impulses from outside, neglecting
everything which is not sense perception.
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In the young Venkataraman the genuine `I am' broke
through the unconscious resistance by means of a dramatic
experience. What started as a sheer horror of physical death,
developed itself during the experience as the `death' of the
manifold `personal I' for the sake of Aham-sphurana, the `I'
? 'I' or genuine identity.
In almost all other cases it succeeds only in sneaking in,
which means not being able to overwhelm and wipe out the
intellectually constructed `I'. Both of them get confused into
a knot of a personality which now is no longer simply false,
as it was before, but worse. It now has the spark of genuine
identity as its backbone, as it were, making it seemingly
impossible to discriminate and separate one from the other!
Never mind, there will be other opportunities later on in life
to work on the `wireless' as will be shown presently.
It is to be kept in mind that according to the sages, we
always are that true identity, the Atman. It is our true nature.
The change of the situation during maturity consists merely
in the fact that the true identity is going to become conscious,
to open up the individual consciousness to the dimension of
cosmic Consciousness.
However there is the usurper intellect and the more it
develops the more it obstructs. What can we do to remove it?
Intellect will never be able to grasp the reality of an
identity beyond itself, but it can be brought to acknowledge
its own limits. We have gently to train it, not to interfere any
more; we have to keep it quiet by not listening to its arguing.
When we do not pay attention to its pros and cons it finally
gets tired and gives up. Meditation is the means of such
systematic training. But even more efficient is a mindful
awareness throughout the day. It keeps the intellect to those
areas of everyday life for which it is meant and where it is a
useful servant.
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This is the royal means to bring it under control for the
future. Usually it is restless, the favourite vehicle of rajoguna.
But fortunately there are periods of spontaneous sattvaguna,
when even the intellect is automatically inclined to rest. These
are the moments when we may discover suddenly a free access
into the beyond, where the adhikari (the ripe one) may meet
his true identity.
Sri Bhagavan says:
Why is not the pure `I' realised now or even remembered
by us? Because of want of acquaintance with it. It can be
recognised only if it is consciously attained. Therefore
make the effort and gain it consciously. 3
In the Mahavakya, `Tatwamasi' ? Thou art That ? `That'
stands for the true identity. Sri Ramana Maharshi uses the
same `That' in verse twentyseven of Reality in Forty Verses
(and later on), `The state in which the (personal) `I' does not
arise, is the state of being That'.
Going through our most cherished memories of the past,
are there not certain situations when we were happy in a way
we have never been able to forget since? Maybe we belong to
those for whom a beautiful landscape is more than merely a
pretty picture. Maybe it was a sunset at the seashore or even
in the Himalayas, very quiet, very remote . . . Maybe we
involuntarily opened ourselves to it, so that it could enter our
very being with its timeless beauty, its surrender into a supreme
light, a supreme silence, in which all thinking and planning,
all insecurity and restlessness vanished, leaving behind a
person who had forgotten himself, being completely absorbed
by the mystery of this now and here.
This state is exactly a spontaneous revealing of `That', his
true nature, his true `I'. It broke through because he
surrendered himself to an impression strong enough to lift up
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for the time being the restlessness and convulsion of the
reacting mechanism of the personal `I' for the sake of the
non-reacting true `I'. This true `I' is always only a mirror to
all impressions and happenings whereas the personal `I',
responds to them by reacting.
If the person who experiences this would simply close his
eyes and direct his attention towards what is going on within
himself, then he would learn that all the beauty, the wonderful
deep and silent bliss of this hour is only his own true Being
his, true `I'. And he would experience that the perfect man is
not a mere theory, but a reality and at the same time the
perfectly happy man. For perfection is not a matter of qualities
but a state of Consciousness.
A person who likes music can have a similar experience
with great music. Each great piece of art can have this effect
on those who are able to tune themselves accordingly. But
even a rather dry person, somebody who takes himself to be
completely down to earth, is able to experience the true `I',
simply because it is the inevitable next step of evolution, which
man is destined to recognise and to take.
It is love which is ready to receive and bless everyone and
which has the magic touch to open the gate to the true identity,
that remains locked up forever to intellect.
We have to forget the shade of egotism in human love and
leave alone the torrent of passion which some may call love. We
have to think of that feature of love which releases the radiance
of the true `I'. Neither passion nor infatuation reveals it, but it is
found in the hours of silence, when words are unnecessary and
thoughts about matters of day-to-day life have no strength --
hours of a timeless `here and now', without past or future.
Where there is genuine self-forgetful love, there shines instead
of the habitual `me', the pure, quiet, real `I', and here also it is
not recognised, because the lover covers it with the beloved `thou'.
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True, we have entered into these experiences more or less
unconscious of their real meaning, leaving no other result than
merely a nostalgic memory. But realising now what kind of
treasure awaits our readiness to breakthrough our ignorance,
we can even make use of an experiment which was strongly
recommended by Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi.
After having retired for the night, one has first to relax
from the restlessness and the tension of intellectual activity.
When sleep is nearing, one has to try to keep as the last thought
the resolution to meet as the first thing on awakening the
experience of the true `I'.
Deep and sincere longing will always succeed in this
experiment, if not immediately then after some attempts. The
first thing emerging from sleep into waking consciousness is
always the true `I' pure, silent, absolute in itself, remaining all
alone for a few seconds, or even longer by practice. Other
thoughts start only a little later, testifying to the little known
fact that `Consciousness' is not necessarily the same as thinking.
What is possible once even for a moment can be extended
by practice. This experiment gives you the advantage that
you now know the aim of endeavour. It will help you in your
further sadhana [?] like leavening in the dough.
Sri Ramana Maharshi called this the `transitional I' and
stressed the importance of this experience:
This transitional `I' is a moment of pure awareness, which
is aware only of itself as `I', pure identity in itself. 4
The `I'-thought' is only limited `I'. The real `I' is unlimited,
universal, beyond time and space. Just on rising up from
sleep and before seeing the objective world, there is a state
of awareness which is your pure Self. That must be known.5
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The moment you succeed, keep very quiet and observe:
this `I' neither thinks nor wills; it has no qualities, is neither
man nor woman, has neither body nor mind; it has no trace of
the `person' which you thought yourself to be up to now. It is
simply conscious of itself as `I am'. Not `I am this', `I am
that' -- only `I am'.
But beware. It is not your `I-person', who has this
`I-Consciousness' as an object, but this Consciousness is your
real `I'. This pure be-ing `I am' is the first glimpse of the true
Identity, which is by nature Pure Consciousness.
To make this test of awakening in the morning is important
insofar as one knows afterwards what the goal for which we
embarked looks like. It also makes it easier to recognise it in
other circumstances. Moreover, this silent, alert awareness is
the last experience which the seeker can reach by his own
effort. For when his `personal I' is wiped out, then all his
effort too has automatically reached its end. Where there is
no `personal I' there cannot be any effort. What remains is a
consciousness which no longer feels but is listening within;
no longer thinks, but is silent; no longer wills, but lets happen
what will happen. It is exactly the state which reveals itself as
`I am', the true Identity.
Last but not the least it is this great experience of the true
identity of man which turned the schoolboy Venkataraman
into the world famous sage Ramana of Arunachala!
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