HE OPENED MY HEART
By Kavi Yogi Shuddhananda Bharati
DURING my dynamic silence of thirty years, about five years
were spent in going from saint to saint, ashram to ashram.
Even samadhi was not the summum bonum of realisation. My
heart wanted something which I did not find anywhere during
my long journey from Mt. Kailas to Kanyakumari. I stood in
silence at the feet of the gigantic Gomateswara up the hill of
Shravana Belagola when I was living among the Digambari
Jain sadhus, wearing just a codpiece. At midnight a bright
face rose like the sun in the crimson dawn, and a hymn from
the Vedas came to my mind, `There he rises, the brilliant sun
spreading a thousand rays, the cosmic form of the effulgent
splendour, unique light, life of beings'! The crimson glory
opened two lotus eyes, then coral lips emitted pearly smiles.
I quickly remembered Ramana Maharshi and felt his inner
call. I put a semicolon to my spiritual pilgrimage and went
quickly to Arunagiri. I went up the hill, took a bath in the
waterfalls, meditated in the Virupaksha cave and came down.
Accidentally Seshadri Swami met me and smiled at me. I went
near him and in his silvery voice he declared, "Go on and on,
Shuddhananda, until you go deep in and in". He accompanied
me a few yards and ran away saying, "Run, run, Ramana waits
for you. Go in and in".
I reached Ramanasramam and entered the small shrine of the
Mother. There was a square room adjoining it and Nayana stood
up exclaiming, "Welcome, Welcome! Swagatam"! Ramana's
gentle voice said, "Let Bharati come in. Bharati varattum".
I saw no human form. I felt dazed. An effulgence
enveloped me. My mind disappeared into silence. I sat down,
closed my eyes and entered the inner cave -- nihitam guhayam
. An hour passed like five minutes. I came back to
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myself, opened my eyes and saw Ramana's lotus eyes riveted
on mine. He appeared like a linga spreading rays of burnished
gold. "Now you have felt That', the cave is open! the `I' is
the Self-nectar!'. After all these years of sadhana [?], here I
experienced a delightful inner reality which is beyond word
and thought -- Yato vaacho nivartante aprapya manassa
saha. I caught hold of his feet and shed tears of delight
singing with Saint Manickavachakar, who sang, "Today
Thou hast risen in my heart a Sun destroying darkness".
Blaze on, O Light Divine
Swallowing I and mine.
The Self rose like the Sun
The many merged into the ONE.
Behold the beacon of I
Inner Light of every Eye,
Towering above He, She and it,
A new dawn of inner delight.
(All songs that I dedicated to Bhagavan are contained in
my book Arul Aruvi, Torrents of Grace.)
Nayana, whom I already knew in the Gurukulam
congratulated me saying, "Like myself, you have found the
right guru in the right place! Now the cave is ready for you".
Sri B.V. Narasimha Swami entered the room and said joyfully,
"Happy, Happy! Bhagavan has touched your heart"!
Then Niranjanananda Swami called me to the dining room.
I opened my bag and brought out ground nuts and plantains
and gave them to Bhagavan. He took one fruit and a few nuts,
and I took the rest as his prasad. That has been my diet for
many years.
The next morning after my bath I was meditating when
Ramana came and we spoke for half an hour about practical
Self-realisation. We had plenty of meetings during the nights.
Maharshi is the beacon light of hope to seekers. He kept me
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in the Virupaksha cave silent. Only Nayana, Seshadri Swami
and B.V. Narasimha Swami (who wanted to know about Sai
Baba), used to visit now and then. Ramana gave a finishing
touch to Shankara's "Brahma Satyam, or Brahman is the
unique reality". Bhagavan located that Brahman in the heart
and called it Heart itself:
I, I shine the Truth in the heart's core.
That's Brahman; be That; seek no more.
Deepam crowds disturbed my cave life in Tiruvannamalai.
Ramana made me live with Nayana in a mud cottage near the
ashram. I had the joy of hearing Vedic hymns and Nayana's
verses all day long as I remained silent and self-immersed,
and prepared myself for the future fulfilment of my life.
The last day was fully spent at the feet of Bhagavan and
that was my golden day. What he taught me on that day
sustained me for twenty-five years:
The egoless `I am' is realisation. The experience of `I am' is
peace. The meaning of `I' is `God'. The outgoing mind is
bondage, the in-going mind is freedom. The heartward mind
brings bliss. The restless worldly mind brings bondage and
misery. The triads of knower, known and knowledge are
one. You go to a cinema. Observe the projector light. If the
projector light fails the whole show stops. Be Self-centered
and finish your work in silence and come out. The world is
nothing but the objectified mind.
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